Rambles On Little Victories

So tonight I'm feeling all kinds of pensive and reflective..... So forgive me if I ramble?

Its been a tough day, but also a good day. This morning I pulled out a skirt that I've loved since the second I saw it in the store. It (kinda) fit when I bought it. Then it got even more snug and I hardly wore it because it wasn't comfortable without wearing it way above my natural waistline. Today I pulled it out, put it on and.... Voila! It was almost too big. Like, I had a good 3-4 inches in the waist that was gapping.  I could pull it out in front of me and see my feet through my skirt... My feet! That's a milestone too... That used to be all belly there. I still have more to go, but progress is progress! I probably will take in my skirt soon now that I know I can wear it again, but I tell you what... Boy howdy did I wear that big loose skirt around today like I was queen bee. It was awesome.

I stepped on the scale today again too. Y'all... I was SO close to the 250s a few days ago. I just had to check. 259.2. I.freakin.did.it. I have not seen these numbers in 15 years. Excuse me, but darn it feels good. There were so many tears shed this morning over that one little 5. And I so did a crazy happy dance to celebrate.

This journey to lose weight is such a long road. Its rough and maybe I'm just a girl but there have been so many emotions that I didn't expect to have to tackle. I want to feel like this bad a** Viking warrior warrior that is fearless and strong... And sometimes I do. My inner wonder woman comes out and *bam!* I am awesome. And other times I am the furthest thing from that wonder woman and I feel so insecure and like a failure who can't get her stuff together to litterally save her life.

It's up and down and daily struggles. I follow a lot of fitness minded people through instagram mostly who make it look so easy. Success after success and all smiles while sweating the fat away. Uh huh. Do not buy into it unless you were born a barbie. I'll keep it real with you here. It's not easy. It's tough. It's hard and I do not sweat rainbows. At times it's even ugly over here... Struggles and resistance. Temptation to just give in to what the unhealthy minded part of me wants simply because it's the easy thing to do. It happens daily if not multiple times an hour. It's a constant fight.

Just when I think I maybe got this figured out a little, the universe switches it up on me. I "bragged" (sort of) at how happy I've been with my running progress lately. Calling myself a runner and all. Know what?.... I swear I heard the universe speak out loud... "oh, she thinks she's got it, does she?" (for some reason, the universe just sounded totally British in my mind) and living in Houston, the allergies change on a dime and ugh. Headache, exhaustion and a general feeling of 'nope' came over me. Bringing to me the realization that I seriously do NOT know what I'm doing and I don't "got this". People say to listen to you body and it'll tell you what to do. Mine is telling me to sit on the couch, marathon some tv and eat doritos... So....?

...... So..... I didn't listen to my body totally. No Doritos were consumed but I'm caught up on most of the dvr. I still got my runs in, I just didn't push myself because quite frankly, I'm just exhausted. Exercising gives you energy.... Yeah... Whatever, naw and boo. I'm still waiting for THAT to kick in. Until then I call BS. Let's make an honest statement and say exercise gives you exhaustion and weight loss. Good, but tired. I'll retract that statement later if I cross over some magic hill in my journey and fly off on a fluffy unicorn.

There are some new things I'm excited about trying to incorporate in the next few months and I will share as soon as I get a handle on it :) until then... I'm hanging on to the wagon for dear life hoping we don't hit any big bumps or run through any more pollen!

Don't tell people who you are. Show them.

Twice this week I found myself looking forward to working out this past week. what is WRONG with me??

The thing that used to make me cringe when I heard other people say it and ugh.... *gag* at the thought of looking forward to sweating???..... I'm doing it. I'm not giddy over it. I still don't want to do it most of the time. But I put on my shoes and go anyways. And I'm always glad I did. While I am on my walk/run I push myself. Not my normal "well at least I'm doing something... how much longer do I have now?" attitude..... I found myself asking "Why are you holding back? No one is watching. Quit debating and GOOOOO!"

I'm amazed at what I am (slowly) learning that I am capable of. Really. Right now, the only thing holding me back. The only thing standing in my way... is myself. That stupid little voice in my head saying "Girrrrrrrrl, *Z snap, snap, snap snap* please. you're still fat and slow and we don't run, remember? Now lets quit this nonsense and go get a cupcake." <---- SHE will always be a part of me. I don't think that self doubt will ever disappear. But while I'm on this journey of learning to use the body God has still kept alive all these rough years, suddenly... she isn't talking quite as loud as she used to. 

"Don't let other people tell you who you are.... show them."

I'm including myself in the "them" part of that quote. Its time to show myself who I really am and see what I/Christ can do.... And I don't plan on stopping any time soon.

Progress & Photos

I wanted to re-visit the reason I actually keep a blog on my struggles and triumphs in weight loss. Its not because I think someone actually really cares what I do every day or you actually care how much I weigh or what I'm eating. I know my closest friends and family love me no matter what.

I'm in a good place mentally right now. That may change by next week, but right now I'm going to roll with it.

I write this blog to keep myself accountable. This post is really what started my mindset on accountability. "Dieting Naked" means that instead of unspoken promises to yourself to be "good" tomorrow and then eat a bowl of ice cream right before bed, you announce your intentions. You unveil yourself, diet in plain sight without shame. 

I'm now accountable to you. You know my intentions. You will know the deepest desires of my heart and you have my compete permission to slap me on the wrist if you see me behaving otherwise. Thats why I pour my heart out in these corners of the internet. No more secret deals with myself that I break when the first hard day comes up. No more promises in the dark that I forsake in the daylight when confronted with an Oreo package. No more. Because I can't fathom doing this on my own. The struggle is so... so real. "diet in plain sight without shame". NONE, peoples. I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit that I struggle. Like, fall off the wagon with your face flat in the mud with your shoelace caught on the wheel so you get drug for a while and can't get up, kind of struggle.

And when I fall (which I have countless times) ... I know admitting it and sharing my story is ok. I'm not perfect.

This was today's fitbit readings... see all that green?? Not a discouraging day, here! I met each and every one of my goals. That doesn't happen every day, but I have to pat myself on the back when it does happen. I did have to go take a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood this evening to get it done... but *newsflash* I kind of really actually enjoyed it.... go figure.

I did some calculations in my head tonight of how much weight I've actually lost from my heaviest. Give or take because I don't remember what my highest weight recorded was. It was somewhere around 400 pounds. So from 400 pounds, I've lost 133 pounds. That is a % loss of 33.75%. (holy cow!)

I see numbers like that and while I still have a long ways to go.... I don't feel quite so defeated anymore.... in fact, I feel quite the opposite. 

I haven't done any photo comparisons in a while... So lets keep this good juice flowing! 

These pictures were from 2007. Just over 2 years after I had surgery for a pituitary tumor that caused Cushing's Disease and all but destroyed my body. I might have already lost a little weight by this point due to wedding craziness and dreams, but not very much.  Fast forward.....

And then there is the "today" photos... still not done with weight loss. not quite an "after"... but progress is being made, right? * .....side note: the humidity is killing my hair today :(  

*For my hubby, who I'm not so sure liked being blurred out of our wedding photo... sorry. You know I love you oh-so-much! You are my rock and my solid supporter through everything I've been through health wise and otherwise. I couldn't make it without you. Thank you for everything.

Everybody Dieting

This post is a bit off my normal topic... Yet still in line with the overall idea of weight loss in general.... huh? .....Ok let me put it this way, I don't want to talk about my weight loss stuff today. I'd like to talk about yours.

I've had many people ask me over the years for advice on health or what diet was easy to follow etc. I am not a professional. I don't have a degree in health or anything. I can only give you my opinion, backed by the only thing I have to give... experience. Just being generally healthy is a good goal to have. At this point in my life... my dreams of being a super strong body builder are about as achievable as me walking on the moon. But I'm doing what I can to be the best I can be. (By the way, I don't aspire to be a body builder... I'd just like to not be classified with a dangerous BMI)

Your intentions in the beginning are always amazing. You're strong and you're determined. You're a planner and have it all in your head what to do, what to eat, what not to eat, workout schedules, exercises etc. This is going to be great! .... Until you encounter that first bit of temptation too wonderful to say no to. Maybe you had a bad day? Maybe you're exhausted and don't feel like cooking. Whatever the reason may be, you're human. It doesn't matter how good your intentions were in the beginning, you need to realize that somewhere down the line.... you're just going to want to eat the darn cupcake! And even one more carrot stick is just going to make you cry....


So, what now? After you've devoured the cupcake (or 3?) the guilt may start to settle in and beat you up about not staying on the straight and narrow diet path. Place your focus not on the "why did I fail?" but on "whats done is done, now what?" If you choose the answer to that question well, you will be one step closer to succeeding. You will be wiser and stronger and certainly one step closer than all the other people who usually give up at this point. That is quite possibly the hardest lesson in dieting: learning to accept that you are human.

Its no lie that I've bounced around like a wild a crazy super ball from diet to diet for most of my life. And I still have about 50 pounds (give or take) to lose. I've lost a little over 100 so far though and I'm beyond happy with that. I've tried just about everything healthy and sometimes unhealthy. I'm in a really good place right now with the Whole30 plan. (read here if you missed that post) I'm not going to lie.... I'm a little crazy sometimes, but I know in my head and in my heart THIS is a good thing for me right now. I know Tthat my body is better than it was 15 days ago when I started this. to me, THAT is motivation to finish it out strong and continue with this.

If you see me in the next few weeks, I apologize in advance if I bore you with food facts or ingredients or explaining to you why we don't drink cows milk in this house.  My brain is in a really focused state of soaking up knowledge and really living in this 'whole30' nutrition mindset. Just be prepared. If you ask me, you may hear more than you planned on listening to :)

Also, I decided not to weigh myself (at all) from day 10-20. Big leap of faith for me... seeing those numbers go down is a really big motivating factor for me. I will continue to do what feels right for my body. If you'd like to learn more about Whole30, click here. It will direct you to their website where they offer all you need to know for free. :)

Goodnight!

Day 5 and water intake

I think today is day 4 of my Disney inspired weight control and fitness challenge. Or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to miss out on Disney because I'm out of shape. Got it? Oh and I set a goal of losing 22 pounds before going there in November too.

I've exercised for 5 days in a row now. I'm feeling pretty excited about that. I have been careful with my calories too and tracking everything. Today wasn't my best day of eating, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I only went over my calories by like 150 I think. I needed a popsicle, ok??

I did only get 3600 steps in. Let me tell you, when you're at home all day, getting up and getting enough moving in is such a hard thing to do.

I'll report my weight loss in a few more days. Right now I'm doing the treadmill 3days a week and doing a weight/strength training routine on opposite days 3days a week. I can't tell you how forward I'm looking to Sunday. Sunday is my day I've chosen to rest..... blah, I'm sure you don't want to hear me go on about this....

My goal with water is to drink @ least 80oz per day! I shoot for 100oz though. If you don't keep up with it, its a seriously difficult thing to do! Did you know you should aim to drink half your body weight in water per day? Holy cow, right?!? Yeah. That's a lot. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm making progress. A tip I read is to NOT just "sip" on water all day long. When you take a drink of water, guzzle 10 sips instead of just 1. Can't do that? Try 8 or whatever you can do. It really helps to get that water in and flush the excess junk out of your body...... sure, you'll have to pee like crazy..... a lot, but that's extra steps, right?? :D .... there is a silver lining in everything, my friends!! Even countless pee breaks to the bathroom! 

I'm looking forward to finishing out this week strong :) I'll post my progress in a few days. (Shhh....But if you look at the tracker gadget. at the bottom of the page, you'll see I've already lost a solid pound! Woo!)