Twice this week I found myself looking forward to working out this past week. what is WRONG with me??
The thing that used to make me cringe when I heard other people say it and ugh.... *gag* at the thought of looking forward to sweating???..... I'm doing it. I'm not giddy over it. I still don't want to do it most of the time. But I put on my shoes and go anyways. And I'm always glad I did. While I am on my walk/run I push myself. Not my normal "well at least I'm doing something... how much longer do I have now?" attitude..... I found myself asking "Why are you holding back? No one is watching. Quit debating and GOOOOO!"
I'm amazed at what I am (slowly) learning that I am capable of. Really. Right now, the only thing holding me back. The only thing standing in my way... is myself. That stupid little voice in my head saying "Girrrrrrrrl, *Z snap, snap, snap snap* please. you're still fat and slow and we don't run, remember? Now lets quit this nonsense and go get a cupcake." <---- SHE will always be a part of me. I don't think that self doubt will ever disappear. But while I'm on this journey of learning to use the body God has still kept alive all these rough years, suddenly... she isn't talking quite as loud as she used to.
"Don't let other people tell you who you are.... show them."
I'm including myself in the "them" part of that quote. Its time to show myself who I really am and see what I/Christ can do.... And I don't plan on stopping any time soon.
I really can't believe that in t minus 1 day I'm.going.to.be.30.. woah. And yet... at the same time.... eh. really 30 is just one more year that I am blessed to be loved by my family, and have the opportunity every single day to do the things I love.
If you grab my kindle from me at any random moment, you'll probably find on it some silly mind boggling game that I like to play, pinterest and most likely some book that I'm in the middle of reading that has something to do with improving myself in some way shape or form. It might be about motherhood and child psychology. It might be about weight loss. It might be diet related.... It might be about organizing, design etc etc.... I seriously can't get enough information in my brain about being myself, but just a little bit better. I have my moments where I feel on top of the world and like I really have it all together... and then I start to cry because it falls apart. (a perfectionist's downfall)
I know full well that I will never reach perfection and I know that I am by no means a failure either. But I'm also never ok with just settling in the thought that who I am at this moment in time is the best that I will be.
5 years ago, I decided that I was going to be at my goal weight by the time I hit my 30th birthday if it (even if it killed me!)... hmph. Unless I figure out a way to lose 60 pounds by Thursday... that ain't happening. Over the last year I've had to come to terms with that. Its really hard. Its been 8.5 years since my diagnosis and surgery to remove the pituitary tumor. I really thought that by now I would be 'cured'. It kind of sucks that my health isn't as much on board as my brain is about letting go of the pounds. One thing is for certain though, my 30s will be SO much healthier than my 20s. THAT is my new goal.
I've always been a perfectionist and the crazy OCD habit of a perfectionist is to set boundaries and goals for yourself... then try to attain them, but surpass them. I compete with myself (like a crazy person... wait... it isn't, just me that does this, is it?).
Speaking of goals:
Did y'all see the Oscars? For me, there were a lot of "who's he?... oh." and "She is famous?... oh, ok." Don't get me wrong, I am happy that they give awards for the behind the scenes people too. A LOT of work goes into making all those pretty faces look good on film. Good for all you people I did not recognize. Y'all looked lovely.
My personal favorite moment was when Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor award. I mean, yes, he is a wonderful actor and I think most every girl on this planet will agree that the good Lord was having Himself a good day when He made Matthew, am I riiiiiight? (yes, I'm on a first name basis). Did you hear the speech he gave? wow. I mean, wow. Inspiring to say the least. Not only did he give thanks to his pretty wife and his momma, he gave thanks to God for everything he has accomplished in life. I LOVE him even more now.
Here is the link if you're interested and feel like being inspired :) (skip to 0:40 seconds to get right to the point. People clap a lot) If you missed it, watch it. watch it now. I'll put the video here below so you don't even have to go search youtube for it. Seriously, Its less than 3 minutes. Watch it.
At 1:17 Matthew says the 3 things he needs every day. "someone to look up to, something to look forward to and someone to chase"
At 2:20 He says while growing up his momma demanded that he respect himself and in turn that lead to being better able to respect others. (Something I think there is way too little of in this world)
At 2:49 He begins to explain who his hero is. His hero is himself ten years from now. Before you scoff and think he is being ridiculously arrogant, think about it. If you are always striving to be the best version of yourself, you will always grow. Always change. Always increase.
THAT is who I want to be. (No, not Matthew McConaughey. I don't have the time to fix his hair everyday) I want to be the best version of myself that I can be.
While I know perfection isn't possible in this world, and getting even somewhat close is something you have to fight hard for... I say that it is worth the fight.
*Here is to turning 30 on thursday and being totally happy about it :) .... cheers*
So I completed week 1 of my 3 months till Disney World challenge. I lost 1 pound. 1 :( I can't say I'm not just a little disappointed. I felt like I suffered a bit more than 1 tiny pound. But its still better than nothing so, I'll take it and try to be happy with it darn it!
The week wasn't incredibly difficult but I did run into a few moments where my willpower was tested. I did my strength training work outs and I did my treadmill time. Very proud of myself for that!
This week should be pretty good except that tomorrow for lunch at work.... mexican. If ever I had a kryptonite, mexican food is it. Love love love love it and will never get tired of it! Oh and I'm making the cupcakes. yikes. I've learned how to say no to cupcakes pretty easy because I make so many of them its not really a rare treat around my house. (I make them for other people, fyi) Tomorrow will be about small portions and enjoying in moderation.
Right now, I'm counting calories and doing my best to keep it clean and healthy foods. Do you ever just get in a rut where nothing sounds good anymore? I like to think I'm a pretty good cook. I don't burn things often or mix things that go terrible together. Lately I just don't feel like cooking. Maybe its the summer months? Maybe its just being lazy.... yeah, probably the last one. *kick in the butt* I made a meal plan this week for dinners and went grocery shopping this morning and everything. I had the "My hubby is back home from working out of town and I'm going to be a good wife and make a healthy delicious dinner!" kind of attitude.... this morning, that is. By the evening, he got called to work late and I fixed the kids a hot dog and I ate a bowl of cereal with unsweetened almond milk. (If you haven't tried it, you should!) yep, winner wife and mommy right here. Its definately a Monday kind of day!
I need these images imprinted on the front of my brain today and everyday until I reach my healthy weight!
Do you have any special quotes or people who inspire you when you're working towards a goal? (weight loss related or not!)
