Don't tell people who you are. Show them.

Twice this week I found myself looking forward to working out this past week. what is WRONG with me??

The thing that used to make me cringe when I heard other people say it and ugh.... *gag* at the thought of looking forward to sweating???..... I'm doing it. I'm not giddy over it. I still don't want to do it most of the time. But I put on my shoes and go anyways. And I'm always glad I did. While I am on my walk/run I push myself. Not my normal "well at least I'm doing something... how much longer do I have now?" attitude..... I found myself asking "Why are you holding back? No one is watching. Quit debating and GOOOOO!"

I'm amazed at what I am (slowly) learning that I am capable of. Really. Right now, the only thing holding me back. The only thing standing in my way... is myself. That stupid little voice in my head saying "Girrrrrrrrl, *Z snap, snap, snap snap* please. you're still fat and slow and we don't run, remember? Now lets quit this nonsense and go get a cupcake." <---- SHE will always be a part of me. I don't think that self doubt will ever disappear. But while I'm on this journey of learning to use the body God has still kept alive all these rough years, suddenly... she isn't talking quite as loud as she used to. 

"Don't let other people tell you who you are.... show them."

I'm including myself in the "them" part of that quote. Its time to show myself who I really am and see what I/Christ can do.... And I don't plan on stopping any time soon.

Whole30

I didn't really mention this whole30 business to anyone other than family in the last week. I didn't feel like making it public until I figured things out a little. (Excuse me for breaking my "dieting naked" rule.) If you follow me on instagram (sparkle0811) you may have figured it out by now.

Basically, super duper strict to the max on food choices for 30 days. (Read more about it at WWW.whole.com) no wheat, no soy, no dairy, and no sugar... also no legumes, but that doesn't really affect my daily habits. Just eat veggies, fruits and meats.

This week has been.... how can I put it? Strange?.... I've gone from pumped and excited to ready to curl up in a ball and sob to myself... then to ready to kill everything, angry, sad, and then theres today where... eh. Its whatever. Kind of no opinions on anything really. I used to think I ate fairly healthy. I'm not going to lie... I know it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't terrible. This week has proven many things to me. I was totally, absolutely without a doubt hard addicted to sugar. And I'm a diabetic. That's not good. 

I feel OK about it now. If you were to offer me a cupcake or a bowl of ice cream I could say no thank you and be perfectly fine. I'm not sure if that's the sugar addiction gone from my body or the fact that most of the last week has been really tough and I can't let that suffering be for nothing lol

30 days. Its only 30 days.

I also weighed the other day. *gasp* I broke a big Whole30 rule. They say not to weigh because the focus is on health not weight loss... blah blah blah. I've lost some weight and that is a good motivator for me. I can tell things are moving in the right direction. I will do an update post in a few weeks. Until then.. I'm going to keep my weight loss numbers to myself... because I'm sneaky and I can! ;)

The Photo Post

I've had a couple people ask if I've thought about putting together one of those "Before/After" weight loss photos. I'll be honest in saying there really isn't a whole lot of photos of me from when I was at my heaviest weight. (If you happen to find one its because I overlooked it when I was destroying all the others.)

I sifted through the files deep in my computer from a long long time ago and found a few though. Sooooo... Quick timeline....

I had surgery to remove a nasty pituitary tumor December 2005. The weight didn't come off right away... In fact, it got worse and I think my weight topped out around end of summer 2006. I don't know what my exact highest weight was, because at some point I just stopped looking at the numbers. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I know weighed at least 375 pounds.

So... here it is. Before/After.... (pardon the pony tail in the 'after'. Houston weather is not kind to my hair!)


On a side note... I have to add... I miss my pink hair from college... lol its hard to be a grown up some days!

Anyways, I still don't feel like I'm ready for my "after" shot photo. So this is my after for now.... I'm not done yet. I have the road ahead of me... and I'll get there one day!