Revolutionary Things

I hate when I go for a while between my blog writing sessions. I feel like I have so much to let go of and say and then I just end up feeling overwhelmed and put it off even longer. I get that this doesn't do anything but make it worse. What can ya do?

So some revolutionary things have been happening lately.. I can't quite explain them, but life has been good lately in the 'healthy-focus' area. I have a few eye opening confessions about to happen here.

First off... I've rediscovered my love of humus again. Previously my go-to brand was always the red and yellow Sabra brand. I was at HEB the other day... they were sampling Boar's head brand. Yeah! The people who make meat and things. Usually I trust a company to do one thing well. Don't branch out because I feel its too many things to be great at all of them. Pick ONE thing.....(Is that just me?). Well, Ladies and gents. Mark this down. It doesn't happen often. I was WRONG.... oh-em-gumdrops and holy canoli! It was a party in my mouth. Not the kind that has all the weird pine nuts and things on it, just the straight up regular smooth humus. Its divine.

I've hit a good stride within the last few weeks. I had put some pounds back on the scale because I wasn't being aware of what I was putting in my mouth. I mean, I knew it was a cupcake, but I had zero guilt. Thats a good thing, cupcakes are great. You shouldn't shame yourself for eating a cupcake... UNLESS its like a lot. and you can't stop. When "treats" aren't really "treats" anymore and more of an every day occurrence = Theres a problem. I had a problem. By the way... "cupcake" is kind of my code word for... um anything and everything sugar related. I just really love good cupcakes, but it could be a cookie, cereal, ice cream... pasta, pretty much anything white flour related.

So with some restraint (ain't nobody perfect around here!) I'm back down to 264.2 pounds as of this morning. Yay! still just a few pounds from my lowest, but one baby step at a time.

Ok so heres the major eye opening blow your socks off revelation that I've only barely begun to understand. And it takes some explaining so bear with me. I feel like theres this whole group of people that lie to the rest of the world. thats right. Liiiiiiiiiieeeeeee. *mimic a whiney valley girl voice for best effect* "I love working out!" "I can't go 2 days without going to the gym." "running is my thing" "blah blah blah joy...... blah blah gym love." Humph. Like a group of people got together one day and made a vow. This is freakin' miserable, but we gotta make money. So everyone pretend like you like this and bring other people in... or we will kill you. Then, because they were all surrounded by the fake pumped up people all the time. the new people didn't want to feel dumb so they just pretended too.... and decades later, half the population is pretending so they can suck more people in and not feel stupid!

I understand how ridiculous this is. But this has been my view for a long time. I'm not a snob. I was a member of the YMCA. I'm health focused. I know its good for your body... it supposedly releases the feel good hormones etc etc. I know the science. I just didn't understand the hype .... UNTIL the last few weeks.

Dare I say it? I think I might be on to something. Someone has lit a tiny candle at the end of a dark hallway and I might be starting to see the light. I'm sick of the treadmill. I got tired of watching that stupid little red track going around and a around and "gooooooooood I'm dying. is this over yet? I have to pee. seriously? one freaking red dot. thats all I've gone? surely this thing is broken" It gets the job done but I'm miserable on it. (I hate working out. Did I mention that?)

After a full day with the children (which I love with all my heart, but I swear they try their hardest to break every last nerve I have) I waited till my sweet hubby got home and all but abandoned him with the children. Grabbed my headphones and peace out. keep them alive till I get home, kind of attitude. I needed quiet. ................ and for 30 minutes. I got it. My brain had more complete thoughts in those 30 minutes than it had had all day long. Just me and my embarrassingly girlie 90s music. And I got a bonus boost pep talk from my fitbit for completing my daily goals. Glorious. And I have done it several times a week since then.

Yeah, its summer in Texas. Yes, Its hot. Yes, I'm gross.... but my mind is free. Could this be that 'high' that people have? Or is this my own form of the 'high'? I'm an artist, a cluttered mind is an unhappy soul. Whatever it is, its got me looking forward to when I get to walk again. And I feel like such an alien to myself. WHATS GOING ON?!?!

So thats my biggest revelation lately. I feel like its a giant glacier of understanding in front of me and I've chipped off maybe enough to ice my (green) tea... but its more than I've ever understood before. And I'm pretty proud of that.

Thats enough for today. I fear my few quiet moments while the kids rest is coming to an end. :)