It hit me the other day... I'm SO incredibly close to a weight loss goal that I've literally had for over a decade. Ok so like 13 pounds away is still a lot of work, but the thing is... THIS was a "in my dreams" goal. Like a "one day" wish... hope... whatever you want to call it. And its totally actually achievable. 250 pounds. holy cow. Like I can reach out and almost touch it. Really? Is this my life???
The over 400 pound me had a vision... If I could just get down to 250 pounds. Everything will be perfect.... So here I am. Closer to that goal than I've ever been in my life, and not everything is perfect, by any means... but I'm feeling better than I have about myself in a long time. I've been aiming for a nothing but positive body image. Even if you have to fake it till you make it. Its worth the fight. Its truly empowering. Not to say I don't have my bad and frustrating days, but the good outweighs the bad. That, for me, is extreme success.
Every time I've ever started a major diet/lifestyle overhaul I've made a list of goals and rewards for when I hit said goals. (Seriously, look up pinterest. Its how you're supposed to do it.) Maybe its the silly spunky pink haired artist still inside me, but in every list I've ever made.... my reward for 250 pounds has always been a nose ring. Just a tiny piece of glitter. no loops or dangles or anything. Just to celebrate my strength in overcoming... everything. every single stupid obstacle. pituitary tumor. Cushings disease. every time I starved myself with salad praying to be rescued. Every frustration and heartache, sweat and tears.... everything.
I made the nose ring goal/reward when I was 20 years old and in college. I'm 31 now. And if I take too long to reflect on it, I might just talk myself out of it and find a more sensible and age appropriate reward for me and all of my mommy-ness that I am now. (Perhaps some new mom jeans are in order?) But you know what? (I'm welling up with tears as I write this) No. Just no. I've waited too dang long for this. I've cried too many frustrated tears and been through too much in my life to let this one go when I can see the finish line. I will make it to that goal. And I will not stop there.
I know my body too well to put a time limit on this goal. Whenever I set my mind to a "8 pounds loss this month! My mind is pumped and motivated! Lets go!"... THATS when my body goes... no, you know what?... plateau. booya. lets go run your pinky toe into that chair again thats seriously been there since the day you moved in. booya. or sprained ankle. booya. (I'm fairly certain my body would add a booya on the end just to rub it in, yes)
So, with that in mind... lets just say this: I'm in a good place. (read my last post) And I have a healthy mind set and am attempting to work out and all that stuff I see the healthy people do. Someday (not a ..."one day") SOMEDAY you'll see me with a nose ring and I hope you'll give me a glorious hurrah, internally or externally, because life is hard y'all... and I believe all things we accomplish should be celebrated. I'm not talking participation awards here. I'm talking you poured your heart and soul out into the world and you freakin' did it awards.
Whether you agree with a random piece of glitter nose piercing or prefer the classic ears (talking to you mom ;) I will proudly earn and wear my nose ring till I'm 90 and it gets in the way of my granny bifocals. Every time I look in the mirror I will see a warrior, battle scars and all who has fought. A girl who has fallen down 1,000 times and lost her way and stood back up 1,001 times. A solid in your face (literally.. haha) reminder that as average human beings... we can accomplish AMAZING things if we refuse to accept failure as an option.
Cheers, my friends. :) Thank you, as always, for your love and support. I couldn't make it through the day without knowing that so many people are on my side.
By the way, I'm down 2 pounds this week :) 263.2 is the number for today!
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