Really tough times... and a new gadget.

I've been completely absent over the last several months. To try and recap the ridiculousness and stress that we've been through as a family..... Well, I'm not even willing to even begin to attempt it. Its been rough. I'm just going to tell myself that I need to keep coming back to my core knowledge that everything happens for a reason.... Even if you can't see the reason or understand the reason right now. He is in control, always..... because obviously, I am soooooooo NOT. like... not even a little bit.

I've taken the last 2 weeks or so to really try to focus on the things I can control. Like my diet. And just try and run with that to help bring some normalcy back to my brain. Yes, I have control issues. Didn't you know? Not like I'm going to make YOU do anything, type of control... just.... I thrive on having a very well organized and perfected calendar/schedule. (I just realized how boring I made myself sound... I promise, I'm not that boring)

I'm good at organizing, but I will totally stop you from any white glove tests on my house. I have children living here and that is just plain rude.

I've had a focus on healthy for the past few weeks. I got a new fitbit for Mother's day. I LOVE it... another beneficial piece of technology for the control freaks out there.

I had the older model for years and used it off and on for periods over the last few years. It finally bit the dust one day and I've missed it ever since. Mine doesn't say 16,432 steps on it yet... I'll work up to it someday. Right now my goal is 7,000 per day. I've made a goal this week to hit those 7.000 steps every single day. no matter what. Tonight was my first challenge. Yesterday was easy. I was up and cleaning and walking all day long. Today I worked at my computer most of the day and by dinner it was really cleat I was no where near my goal. bummer right? nope. I took a walk to get the mail (an easy way to add in about 1000 steps because our mailbox is at the end of the street) Still no where near my goal. So I did the treadmill really hard for 20 minutes. Goal accomplished. and some sweat in there too for good measure.

I'm not trying to brag or anything. Today was not an active day by any means.. and I know there at people who run circles around me in their sleep, But today,I'm feeling proud for not giving up and "maybe tomorrow will be better" ya know? Its hard when you're a mom. It feels like you're always going and always doing but its in short bursts and not a far distance. So you may not sit down all day, but you still only hit 5000 steps! 

Over the last few weeks I've seen the scale do all kinds of things. First I dropped 10 pounds like I'd been doing this my whole life and then 5 came back... I don't know maybe because its hot and my body likes the extra comfort blanket? ... whatever. I'll lose it again, just like I've lost it many times before. Still 5 pounds down so no sad faces here! :)

Hoping a few weeks of being consciously more active will help send those pounds on a one way to ticket to... I really don't care where, just not my stomach! oh, but my boobs! Someone please tell my boobs to stay put! Ah, weight loss If only you could target and lose in certain places over others! Sorry TMI, but I know a bunch of girls who will understand me on this one.

Thats all for tonight. I'm going to try and get some rest. Thanks for sticking with me and reading when I get around to posting. Support from the people that I love means so much to me, the hard days are really not so hard with friends by your side to be there for you and celebrate with you too :)

Good night. :)