Reflections

As I dressed in my pajamas this evening (yes, I realize that it is 6:55pm.... and I don't care.) I stood in front of the mirror and mouthed the same words I must have said at least 15 billion (maybe more) times over the last 29 days of December. "I need to finish losing weight.... I need to FINISH losing all this weight."

Truth is that I don't loathe what I see in the mirror. I am happy with how I fit into jeans smaller than I could have imagined fitting into 2 years ago. I'm surrounded by people that make my life bubble over with joy and happiness. And thank Goodness that I'm part of a family who doesn't judge me if I eat a piece of cake or rub it in my face 10 minutes later when I talk about some new health article or fact I read about.

I started a goal a while back to learn to love my body. I say learn because it doesn't come naturally to me, or to most people really. With all the celebrities on TV, the fitness commercials etc. it seems there is always something you should want to change about yourself... some way that you can make yourself better.... its easy to get down and start to be unhappy unless you have _______ . (tight abs, size 2 jeans etc.) I decided to fight against the negatives.... no I don't have a flat stomach, but I have a body that carried 2 children and the stretch marks to prove it. I have kind of flabby arms, but they can snuggle the people I love the most and lift them high in the air. I don't have a sexy body, but..... oh wait, just kidding... yes I do ;) ... maybe not centerfold playboy material, but I'm real. And I'm ok with that.  Its easy to focus on the weaknesses and overlook the strengths.

Circling back to my original topic.... "I need to finish losing weight"... As my personal opinions about my body have changed from hating into appreciating... I've lost some of my drive to keep pushing forward. Part of my says "Its been such a long road to get here and ...hey this feels pretty good right here. Lets just chill on the whole miserable obsessive dieting thing." (yeah I talk to myself a lot...)The holidays were torture for this battle. After asking for opinions, I finally decided that it was like playing dodge ball against the rest of the world and I should just cool it, do my best not to go crazy and worry about dieting after it was all over. (thank you!) ......... and now its over. Time to get back on the wagon....

ok.... sorry, tangent here..... why the heck is it called the "wagon"?? I've never ever had a hard time riding on/in a wagon before. I say the "dieting wagon" is more like a "dieting bucking bull". Its worth staying on and winning but its going to be the hardest 8 seconds of your life.

Sometime in the next coming weeks I'm going to take a picture of me wearing the only pair of Big jeans I have left. I don't think they are the biggest one I owned, but they're the only ones I was comfortable holding onto to compare as I lost weight. I'm very glad that I did keep them :)

I'm looking forward to the new year and all the memories I'm going to make as I keep working toward my end goal. Happy New year, friends!