So tonight I'm feeling all kinds of pensive and reflective..... So forgive me if I ramble?
Its been a tough day, but also a good day. This morning I pulled out a skirt that I've loved since the second I saw it in the store. It (kinda) fit when I bought it. Then it got even more snug and I hardly wore it because it wasn't comfortable without wearing it way above my natural waistline. Today I pulled it out, put it on and.... Voila! It was almost too big. Like, I had a good 3-4 inches in the waist that was gapping. I could pull it out in front of me and see my feet through my skirt... My feet! That's a milestone too... That used to be all belly there. I still have more to go, but progress is progress! I probably will take in my skirt soon now that I know I can wear it again, but I tell you what... Boy howdy did I wear that big loose skirt around today like I was queen bee. It was awesome.
I stepped on the scale today again too. Y'all... I was SO close to the 250s a few days ago. I just had to check. 259.2. I.freakin.did.it. I have not seen these numbers in 15 years. Excuse me, but darn it feels good. There were so many tears shed this morning over that one little 5. And I so did a crazy happy dance to celebrate.
This journey to lose weight is such a long road. Its rough and maybe I'm just a girl but there have been so many emotions that I didn't expect to have to tackle. I want to feel like this bad a** Viking warrior warrior that is fearless and strong... And sometimes I do. My inner wonder woman comes out and *bam!* I am awesome. And other times I am the furthest thing from that wonder woman and I feel so insecure and like a failure who can't get her stuff together to litterally save her life.
It's up and down and daily struggles. I follow a lot of fitness minded people through instagram mostly who make it look so easy. Success after success and all smiles while sweating the fat away. Uh huh. Do not buy into it unless you were born a barbie. I'll keep it real with you here. It's not easy. It's tough. It's hard and I do not sweat rainbows. At times it's even ugly over here... Struggles and resistance. Temptation to just give in to what the unhealthy minded part of me wants simply because it's the easy thing to do. It happens daily if not multiple times an hour. It's a constant fight.
Just when I think I maybe got this figured out a little, the universe switches it up on me. I "bragged" (sort of) at how happy I've been with my running progress lately. Calling myself a runner and all. Know what?.... I swear I heard the universe speak out loud... "oh, she thinks she's got it, does she?" (for some reason, the universe just sounded totally British in my mind) and living in Houston, the allergies change on a dime and ugh. Headache, exhaustion and a general feeling of 'nope' came over me. Bringing to me the realization that I seriously do NOT know what I'm doing and I don't "got this". People say to listen to you body and it'll tell you what to do. Mine is telling me to sit on the couch, marathon some tv and eat doritos... So....?
...... So..... I didn't listen to my body totally. No Doritos were consumed but I'm caught up on most of the dvr. I still got my runs in, I just didn't push myself because quite frankly, I'm just exhausted. Exercising gives you energy.... Yeah... Whatever, naw and boo. I'm still waiting for THAT to kick in. Until then I call BS. Let's make an honest statement and say exercise gives you exhaustion and weight loss. Good, but tired. I'll retract that statement later if I cross over some magic hill in my journey and fly off on a fluffy unicorn.
There are some new things I'm excited about trying to incorporate in the next few months and I will share as soon as I get a handle on it :) until then... I'm hanging on to the wagon for dear life hoping we don't hit any big bumps or run through any more pollen!
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