What I've learned about running...

So... Running.....

In no way do I believe that I've got this figured out yet. But as I was running last night I realized that I have learned a few things worth jotting down.

1. I think I'm always going to suck at it. Never in my life have I been an athlete... or in shape for that matter. So its not like I have "muscle memory" or anything to "get back to"... Its all new and for the most part continuous torture.

2. The right clothes totally make a difference. It doesn't have to be fancy or name brand stuff. Just something that makes you feel empowered. I like to run in rainbow. All colors. Pink and purple shoes, pink or blue capri leggings, grey or purple shirt and my BRIGHT pink headphones. I don't match?  I don't care. I'm not a cute gym kind of girl. More like... good god, someone get that girl an ambulance, kind of girl. I'm 258 pounds running around outside in the Texas heat, trying NOT to die and sweating like a maniac. I think the colors accentuates the situation, don't you? I prefer pink, if you couldn't tell.

3. The people outside walking or running around the neighborhood are really very nice. Just about all of them give a wave or say hi to me. I like that the strangers are nice, even if just for a second.

4. Bring tired is just another trait of my personality now. Good grief its like having a baby again... except I'm the one doing the crying and whining and fit throwing. I find it hard to believe that most of the world is involved in this huge plot to lie to the rest of us about exercising giving you energy... but seriously? I'm calling your bluff people. Exercising makes you tired, being tired makes you delirious... maybe its not energy. Maybe its just insanity and you're too tired to know the difference. If thats the case, count me in. I've finally made it.

4. I really like going walking with other people. It helps pass the time, I usually walk even longer and I get a good visit in... But I think I need to limit myself to mostly running alone. I don't run when I go with other people. I'm still working on being comfortable with running and not sounding like a huffing charging rhino, to be honest. Yeah, its not pretty. But when I'm alone, I push myself. I crank up my music and my brain empties out. I become too focused on not dying to care about anything else and my stress goes away for an hour. THAT I get. Its a stress relief for me and I need to focus on keeping that sacred for a while longer. That sounds harsh... I enjoy visiting but running is for me to lose weight and do something for myself, not another social outlet. :(

5. I have 2 running moods when it comes to music. *This is embarrassing* 1) Ridiculous gangster rap with some punk thrown in there. Some old school stuff. Some new-ish stuff. Eminem, Blink182, All American Rejects, Usher, Greenday.... I'm going to stop now. -or- 2) Bubblegum Pop Star music. As bright pink as music can get. T-Swift mixed with Pink and Brittney, Maroon5 and all the Pitch Perfect soundtrack... and theres no one around to tell me that I'm stupid for blaring "22" when I'm sooooooo not 22 anymore. There is no music mood in between. None.

6. Kind of in line with #1, but worth mentioning on its own... I'm learning to accept that I don't think I'll be one of those people that just CAN'T LIVE without exercising. Maybe I'm naive but I kind of thought that would kick in by now. (I know... I know, its only been like 6 weeks or something, but I thought it could happen! A light switch would turn on and I'd be grumpy because I hadn't gotten my run in yet or something. or whatever silly crazy talk.) I would totally pick sitting on the couch with a good book any day over spending an hour getting all sweaty and icky. I know that won't help my goals, but just about ANYTHING sounds more fun than going running. The only thing that has kept me going is... I don't want to know what it feels like to give up. I've been there and I just can't go back.... and let this be yet another failure on my record of health. Its a serious fear of mine and it terrifies me. Maybe one day I'll crave being active. Right now, running just needs to be another auto pilot task for me. Brush teeth every day, remember to feed the children, on wednesdays we wear pink... exercise on schedule no matter what.

So that about does it for what I've learned so far. I have nothing on form or breathing and stride etc. I'm still figuring that out. But for records sake, I've mapped out a 3.1 mile route in my neighborhood that goes through a duck park and a lap around a walking trail. I'm working on making that my short route. I can finish it if I really push myself in about 53 minutes. Nothing earth shattering, but its better than what I started out.

Anyone have any other tips or advice to offer?