Stress and Heart Issues :(

Sorry I've been MIA for a while. Life gets busy and you do what you gotta do to get through it!

Every time I sit down to write, I go over in my head the reason I actually started writing this blog in the first place. Because I wanted to be honest with myself and my family and friends as I travel through this journey towards health. I also want to be encouraging as well as educational to anyone who happens to stumble upon my blog in search of their own answers.

So, here is the thing. The honest truth. I struggle with anxiety. a lot of it. Sometimes seriously bad, sometimes not so bad. Its been off and on for a good part of my life. I have serious OCD tendencies in areas of my life (in other areas, not so much. weird, right?). When my 4 year old gets mad because she can't do something PERFECT, I can't get upset with her because I know exactly which side of the gene pool that character trait falls from. Yep, yours truly here! :/

This past week I had a few spells where my heart rate spiked up to 145 beats per minute. Most people stay around 100 bpm and only go up with exercise. Mine happened when I was doing nothing. I felt my heart beating out of my chest and got really weak, shortness of breath and shakey hands. It was horrible and left me drained for a good several hours afterwards.

Of course I called my doctor and I was actually able to get into a cardiologist yesterday. He put me on a monitor device for 48 hours. I have to return it Monday and then he'll get the results off it. He changed up my current medications. I still have some testing to do after we get the results from this device I'm wearing, but it doesn't look like it is anything serious right now.(Thank you, Jesus) He said the episodes could be due mostly to stress and it just sometimes happens to people. I could grow out of it in a few years. *fingers crossed it actually is nothing*

Anyways, through all this I've had a pretty severe wake-up call that I need to chill-the-heck-out. Over the last few days, I've tried to keep my mood mellow and relaxed. One of the areas that is getting nixed in my stress list is my scale. I know I weigh on it too often (sometimes 3 times a day, just out of curiosity) but I was under the belief that it helped keep me accountable. 'obviously if I do A + B = I should get C, right?' (FYI, In weight loss, this theory can be totally bogus sometimes) When I don't get the results I'm hoping for, I over analyze and it becomes an obsession down to every single detail of my day... Its been recently pointed out that this behavior/ me... is.... "crazy". (um thanks... mom) 

So, being determined to lessen the stress, I tucked my scale away for a while. NO more weighing and no real way (numbers) to track my progress by. I don't plan on weighing for a whole month. My Disney World weight loss goals are going to wait. Right now, I need to focus on eating healthy, clean meals and NOT obsessing over every detail. The doctor said I could keep exercising because it actually helps to strengthen the heart. (This was the one time in my life I thought I would have a legit excuse to NOT exercise lol) I plan on continuing my alternating days of treadmill and strength training. If nothing else, my endurance and muscles should progress over the next month whether my weight changes or not. And with that, I may not be skinnier for Disney, but I won't die walking the parks all day for a week either.

I'll keep updating as I learn more on my heart and trying to transition into a less stress/OCD lifestyle. 

God please help me... I'm not sure that I know how to NOT stress.