Courage

Ok.... So I'm kind of in a funk right now. And I'm disappointed at myself for letting like 2 days go by without eating properly. I haven't like gone out and had a gone super crazy with calories or anything. I've kept within 100 calories of my daily goal, but it hasn't been food that is healthy for me. It wasn't really intentional. It just kind of crept up on me.

After a week of eating really good for the body foods, I felt great. Bob's menu was a little bland and a little repetitive, but I felt satisfied and I felt proud of myself. AND I LOST WEIGHT! (an added mental satisfaction) 

2-3 days of eating crap... and I feel like crap. (hmm where have I heard THAT before? oh maybe every single healthy/diet book I've EVER read? yeah....) Maybe my funk is not all because of the food. I'm tired because I'm a mommy. Y'all know I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for all the cheesecake in the world. But sometimes being a mommy is hard. And all you can do at the end of the day is know that you made it through, everyone is still alive and taken care of and your reward is that you get to try and do it all again tomorrow. 

I could tell you that its been a long rough few days leading up to tonight... I didn't get to the grocery store until Tuesday and then got stuck in traffic Tuesday night, getting me home too late to make the dinner I had planned. We ended up with left overs from the night before (which weren't on plan either). I had the kids at the dr. Maddox got 3 shots and has since felt so horrible all he wants to do is lay on me, cry and rock. So today I didn't actually "cook" anything... I just kind of snacked and grabbed a bite or two to feel some 'comfort'. (eating based on emotions is a whole different blog post) It wasn't anything healthy... I'm totally feeling the stomach ache of "you should have known better".  Impulse snacking... a no-no for me.

I know I'm kind of singing a sad song here... I'm not trying to throw myself my own pity party or anything. Quite the opposite. I feel like crap and I need to remember this moment because this isn't a 6-week weight loss and then you're done kind of thing for me. I'm going to have to deal with these choices every moment, every day, for the rest of my life... and, just a guess... but there are going to be other hard and unpredictable (my personal kryptonite) days ahead. I can't just eat crap because its easy to grab... or just because it makes me feel good for the 2 seconds its in my mouth.

There is a quote that I love: "Courage doesn't always roar... sometimes its the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'... " And tomorrow, I shall. I can't keep eating for the body I have. It isn't helping me. I need to eat for the body I want. Courage is what I desire to radiate through my body.