2015: The Year of Letting Go

This Blog (though rarely updated and visited lately) has always been a safe place for me. I get to spill my thoughts, my hopes and my aspirations... mostly about weight loss related, but theres a little of everything thrown in the mix.Its all personal to me and while I know that other people will read it, it doesn't bother me. I feel safe to share here.

I totally hesitate to post ANOTHER "what I'm going to do in 2015!" blog because I hate to be pressured by society and feel like I'm moving with the flow and compelled to do what everyone else is doing.... but.... over the last few weeks of reflecting on 2014, theres somethings I'd like to do differently. So, don't hate me social norm.

To put it lightly, I'm a bit of a controlling (crazy stressing at times) perfectionist. I'm a mom, wife and artist. I look at pinterest and it seems in the midst of all the millions things I am responsible for, I should also be making homemade healthy meals 3x a day. I also need to make "me time" for myself and work out at least 45 minutes a day (preferably BEFORE the sun comes up) .... ugh. kill me now. the pressure is so intense. Is anyone with me on this?

You know what? God is a funny man... because I've seen this same perfectionist behavior in my daughter over the past few years. No no... she doesn't dream of ways to make a cauliflower pizza crust taste like the real thing... she has her own issues but I have to constantly remind her of the same things that I tell my 30 year old self. Its ok. Its ok to not be perfect. its ok.

I want to focus on being ok with not being perfect. Opposite of what I've focused on most of my life -- which is, if you set out to do something, don't half -ass it. do it properly and do it right. Give it everything you've got and then some.

2015 also marks a pretty big milestone health wise for me. Its almost 10 years (September 2005) since I was diagnosed and then treated (I use the term loosely) for Cushing's Disease. In some ways it still feels like it was only a few years ago... even though SO MUCH has happened since then. I mean 10 Years = 1 college degree completion, 1 marriage, 4 moves, 4 houses, 3 States, and 2 children + 1 big dog.

I still deal with the weight that I gained from the disease. I was close to 400 pounds when I went in for surgery. If someone had told me that day that I'd still be dealing with this in 10 years oh I'd seriously be pissed... but right now... eh, what are ya gonna do? You deal with the cards you are given and move on. Let go of what you can't change and work on what you can. I can't find a post with what I weighed about a year ago... but its somewhere around down 20 pounds this year. Not jaw dropping amazing, but its a decent number. And it came without a complete obsession over calories consumed and constant dieting. I gave up for periods of time and I focused on choices made day to day instead of over a period of weeks. It working for now.... and when it stops working, we'll move on to something else.

Hopefully things will keep moving forward and I will keep my focus of simply letting go of what I can't control. (I just wrote this whole post and NOW I realize the song that drove everyone quite mad in 2014, including me because I heard it 19 billion times.... is my focus for next year. fan.tas.tic. Let it go! Let it go!) ......oh well! .....Cheers to 2015