This post is long over due. Last post was a really messy point in this journey and I had to get it out, but I have been doing better since then. (thank you to my wonderful friends who have checked on me and supported me or even just listened to me whine a little to get it out!)
I'm pretty proud of myself for letting my obsession with the scale go. I've stepped on it... maybe 1 time in the last week? (instead of at least twice a day! eek!... I know. Christen sometimes rides the crazy OCD train) But...... guess what? No change in the numbers. none. So crazy obsessive number focused doesn't make the scale go down.... and careful with what I eat, but not making it part of my every thought and actually enjoying food.... doesn't seem to make a difference either. Interesting, right? But I feel SOOO much better being able to let that go.
I'm still working on the emotional side of getting used to not being as healthy as I would like my body to be. I was looking at my closet last week and trying to figure out something to wear for those weird 3 days that were actually "fall" weather and a bit too cool for summery shirts. My wardrobe is kind of pathetic, honestly. I have some nice clothes that I don't get to wear too often. I have todders, I'm a reasonable woman and just assume that by the end of the day, I'm going to be covered in some way with someone else's dirt. A lot of my clothes are pretty worn. But some of them are really worn and need to be tossed out. I realized that every season change, I go out and buy a few new tops or a sweater, but don't overdo it because 'this year I'll lose the weight and I won't even be in THESE clothes by next winter, so I don't want to spend a lot of money on new clothes'
...yup... repeat same phrase 6 months later and get a little sad because last summer I said I wasn't going to be in these same clothes again. Yet, there I was.
Its taken me (I don't know how many) years to realize this unhealthy pattern. Anyways, its another thing I'm nixing and focusing on the good things instead. I can't let my kids see this habit in me and think that its ok. I need to be there for them and set a good example. Mommy needs to love herself no matter what she looks like or thinks she needs to change.
....So on to a new topic, who else has discovered almond milk? I'm in love with it. seriously. My love for it will never die and I have been using it for about 3 years now. (Before almond milk, I was drinking soy milk, but then saw that some sources of soy can be questionable and started looking for other options. Yes, I like the almond milk better.)
Waaaaaay back when I was in middle school and definitely by high school, I can remember giving up cereal for breakfast because by the time I got to school, I'd have a stomach ache and just not feel good. I quit drinking it milk all together. I had no idea why it caused me stomach pain. Not 1 person ever mentioned lactose intolerance to me. ever. (shows you how times have changed, huh?)
I love how diverse we are as humans now where information is so readily available and heck.... people with food/diet specialties have their own isle in the grocery store. Its fabulous for those of us who need it! Almond milk even comes in chocolate now (HEB brand is fabulous, by the way!) If you're watching your weight, I'd go for the unsweetened version, but if you're not or you're looking for something to give your kids... the sweetened vanilla is always delicious. I buy the vanilla for my kids and the unsweetened 40calories/8oz version for myself. Try it, even if you are the slightest bit curious!
My new mantra I've been trying to remember is that sometimes all you can do is not think, not imagine, not wonder and not obsess..... just have faith. faith that everything will work out for the best. <---- This is really hard for the OCD challenged individual, but I'm working on it! One day at a time. :)
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