Ducks and PMS

So... I've never even pretended to have all my ducks in a row, so to speak, when it comes to weight loss. I try to keep it real, yo. I don't have it all figured out and sometimes when I'm really tired I find myself asking google what a calorie is. (seriously, did that like 2 weeks ago) Then on other days I'm quoting all the fitness books out there and macro counting and HIIT training mumbo jumbo. This journey is seriously day by day... and on the hard days, its minute by minute. 

I'll admit the last few weeks have been pretty.freakin'.awesome. I've been tracking all the things that I feel affect my weight loss and my state of mind. I've been pumped and doing things I've never done before to push myself.... I've been up in the clouds on am empowering health high, y'all. And its been fantastic. I thought I'd finally figured this puzzle out, maybe.

...... *womp womp womp* gravity struck me hard these past few days. Mother Nature came by with her unwanted gift and the grocery store made more money off of me than they should have. I don't have a list of "off limit foods" because as soon as I do, I WANT THEM ALL. So I have a list of foods that I should eat because they're good for me (protein veggies mostly) and I try to stick to that. I've been at this long enough. I know whats nutritionally good to feed my body. Doesn't mean I always want those foods, but I can't argue that a cupcake is "good" for me.... so it doesn't make the list. Everything that doesn't make the list is just as little as possible in my diet. Well... being honest (and not trying to be a cry baby) my willpower is out the window when PMS hits. I have some control, but chocolate ice cream and oreos won their battle this week. 

I did a stupid thing and stepped on the scale once. "Just for informational purposes. Its not going to affect my mood. I'm just curious." I told myself. pbbbbbbt. I KNEW I was retaining water like the hoover dam. I knew I felt like a big old bloated goat and yucky and I indulged in less than worthy foods.... should I have stepped on the scale? no. lesson (maybe) learned..... +12 pounds. 12! How is that even humanly possible?!? Now... Before you go all nutrition savy on me, let me clear the air by saying... I know its not true fat gain. I didn't eat 42,000 calories extra. (1 pound is 3,500 calories) And some of that weight is already gone because I've been drinking water like a marathon runner. I was just really upset with myself for letting that silly scale get me more in a funk than I already was in to begin with. Seeing those numbers on the scale really put into perspective how dang hard I've worked to never see those numbers again. Note: I apologize for my sass... its another unwanted side effect. And while I could totally control it. I don't want to, ok?

I ALMOST gave in and cancelled my walking on Thursday night. I was so close to calling it quits and putting on my jammies and turning away the world. But I didn't. Thanks to a good friend who might have made me feel a little guilty, and agreed to go to starbucks afterwards if we worked for it. Thank you. I haven't missed a scheduled time yet and I even went on an extra long walk tonight to get out a little more sweat. Oreos have A LOT of calories, people. And it was worth every last crumb.

Sorry, no one probably wants to read about girly stuff on THAT week.... but I felt compelled to write because my weight loss journey looks more like a heart beat monitor than it does a gradual slow decline. Its ups and downs and all over the place. And if someone tells you that its easy and they didn't ever have any days where they were moving backwards instead of forwards and never once got off track... they're lying to you. 100% lies. turn around and walk away. 

While I'm over the moon excited to share my success and my dole out any extra positive energy I have... I struggle just as much.

I'm sooooo over this week of being a walking trail of tears and midol.... Next week Tomorrow is back on track. Now, if you'll excuse me... I have to go find all my stupid little ducks before they wander off too far and try to at least get them into some sort of formation resembling a line because I still have more pounds to banish from my body.