I did my weekly grocery shopping today. I sat down and planned out my meals last night. I don't start my week on Monday because Emma Kate has school on Tuesdays and ... lets face it. Grocery shopping is easier with 1 kid rather than 2. So Tuesdays are exciting because I have new things in my pantry and inspiring new dishes to cook for the week.
While I was looking for natural fruit cups for Emma Kate, I stood next to a boy. (say "boy" but he was probably around 22-23?) He was very very much overweight. He was reaching for the raisins on the bottom shelf and you could tell he was struggling. He was huffing and puffing out of breath, damp sweat marks on his shirt and sweat beads on his forehead. Just from grocery shopping.
I wanted to help him, say something to encourage him, because I've been there before. I couldn't think of anything funny to say about raisins or fruit... and even if I had come up with something I doubt it would have been funny... more like completely retarded. So I just kept pushing my cart.
I thanked God for helping me to get where I am today... as far away from that unhealthy fat person I was 6 years ago. I started thinking about the time in my life where I was at my heaviest weight of 375 pounds. It still makes me cringe to admit it out loud. I think my brain has almost completely erased it from my memories. I can't recall many truly happy moments from that period of health failure. I was miserable. unhappy. tired. depressed. and in a really bad place emotionally. and just sad. I lacked self confidence, but learned how to fake it in front of other people. I've always been taught to love the person you are on the inside and if ever you don't like it, change it. I loved me on the inside but I hated...loathed who I was on the outside.
My weight gain wasn't all from bad food choices.... some of it was due to an imbalance of chemical hormones in my body that caused horrible results. only adding to the complexity of the depressive moods... some of it was from bad food choices. I'll own up to it because I know I wasn't health focused. Unfortunately, either from hormones or cookies... the weight all as to come off the same way.
In someways, its hard to remember how far you've come when the road ahead seems so far to go. I can do so many things now that I couldn't even dream of back then. I may not be where I wish I was, but at least I'm still here and I'm still trying. Its good to be reminded of that sometimes.
My body can still do amazing things. I have 2 kids to prove it... and I'm still here. So it isn't ready to give up on me yet.
I started tracking my calories again via myfitnesspal on my phone. I need to be accountable for what I eat and stop thinking I can keep track of everything I eat in my head (despite numerous lessons learned, I still find myself trying it because I think its easier than inputting everything into a program. lie. lie. lie.)
The road ahead is less than the road I've taken to get here.
While I was looking for natural fruit cups for Emma Kate, I stood next to a boy. (say "boy" but he was probably around 22-23?) He was very very much overweight. He was reaching for the raisins on the bottom shelf and you could tell he was struggling. He was huffing and puffing out of breath, damp sweat marks on his shirt and sweat beads on his forehead. Just from grocery shopping.
I wanted to help him, say something to encourage him, because I've been there before. I couldn't think of anything funny to say about raisins or fruit... and even if I had come up with something I doubt it would have been funny... more like completely retarded. So I just kept pushing my cart.
I thanked God for helping me to get where I am today... as far away from that unhealthy fat person I was 6 years ago. I started thinking about the time in my life where I was at my heaviest weight of 375 pounds. It still makes me cringe to admit it out loud. I think my brain has almost completely erased it from my memories. I can't recall many truly happy moments from that period of health failure. I was miserable. unhappy. tired. depressed. and in a really bad place emotionally. and just sad. I lacked self confidence, but learned how to fake it in front of other people. I've always been taught to love the person you are on the inside and if ever you don't like it, change it. I loved me on the inside but I hated...loathed who I was on the outside.
My weight gain wasn't all from bad food choices.... some of it was due to an imbalance of chemical hormones in my body that caused horrible results. only adding to the complexity of the depressive moods... some of it was from bad food choices. I'll own up to it because I know I wasn't health focused. Unfortunately, either from hormones or cookies... the weight all as to come off the same way.
In someways, its hard to remember how far you've come when the road ahead seems so far to go. I can do so many things now that I couldn't even dream of back then. I may not be where I wish I was, but at least I'm still here and I'm still trying. Its good to be reminded of that sometimes.
My body can still do amazing things. I have 2 kids to prove it... and I'm still here. So it isn't ready to give up on me yet.
I started tracking my calories again via myfitnesspal on my phone. I need to be accountable for what I eat and stop thinking I can keep track of everything I eat in my head (despite numerous lessons learned, I still find myself trying it because I think its easier than inputting everything into a program. lie. lie. lie.)
The road ahead is less than the road I've taken to get here.
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