October Review

Things aren't going the way I wish they were right now. So... Uh.... It's time to pull back on the reins and really do an overall evaluation of how things are going. I lost 2 pounds in October..... 2........2. *sigh* I know every month can't be an amazing. Any loss is better than a gain. I've been averaging about -5 per month though. It's not insane or excessive, but over a year thats a 60 pound loss and that's serious change. Plus I can see muscle gain on my body and I've been working really hard so I've been pretty content with those -5 pounds.

But this month... The -2. I can't even blame it on a plateau, water retention... or anything. It's me. Me and my slacking. I guess, in a way, this is the best reason to not be losing weight. Its completely in my control and I can fix it. I haven't eaten as healthy lately. While I haven't gone all hog wild and craaaazy, I haven't said 'no, thank you' to very much either. I need to up my water again too. 

Halloween: I had some Halloween candy indulgences... I feel like I've gained like 30 pounds. Just feeling yuck today. A good indication I shouldn't be eating crap. I feel like I really held back on the amount of candy I did eat, but I still ate more than I wish I would have. (sorry kids, I still don't know what happened to the almond joy bars??)

Also, I have been sick for a few weeks with annoying allergy issues. I had a cough and was completely drained of all energy. I could have pushed myself to go to the gym, but because I was trying to take care of myself, I didn't. So.... Tonight is the first night in a week that I'm going to the gym. And I know its going to be brutal. My endurance has already gone down on my running because I started having pain and soreness in my shins and I backed off on running. And NOW I just flat out did nothing for a week so... I'm preparing myself to be at level zero as far as fitness is concerned. Disappointing, but.... the only options I see is to 1) quit - not technically an option, but I could if I wanted to or 2) get up and start all over again - yup. ding.ding.ding! lets do this. I'm going to get on the elliptical machine tonight. Hopefully that will be easier on my legs and soon I can get back to where I was (endurance wise) a few weeks ago?

I was thinking about all this health and fitness and reflections of my goals and such last night as I was laying in bed. Trying to give myself the pep talk I needed to refuel my fire losing weight again. Sometimes giving yourself a swift kick in the booty is what is needed. I've come to realize that being kind to myself is the only way to make it through this as a life long journey. Its not a quick fix. There is going to be bumps and bruises. Sure I could beat myself up and get all sad... probably eat some more candy... and then some more. But you know what? I'm over it. I've been down this road before and it doesn't take me to my destination. Its a u-turn back to the girl I USED to be. And I don't want to go there again. So, I had to backtrack a little... whats the big deal? Its better than giving up. October is over and there is nothing I can do to get it back. So November is here and I'm going to force my way through it and come out less than when I came in.

The holidays are the hardest for me, y'all. And I know I'm not alone in this. Halloween is over and thanksgiving and all of it's delicious glory is on the radar now, followed by Christmas and all of it's sweet treats. I love my family. I love to celebrate and I *love* to bake. THIS is my favorite time of year! I could just give in for a few months and enjoy everything over and over and over with no rules..... or I could set aside a few days to enjoy the festivities and make the rest of the year time to focus on me. This last month has been a wake up call that if I don't focus 110%, I'm not going to be any closer to my goals. I lost 2 pounds, but it could have been more. I've worked hard and I'm going to keep working hard. Spring and summer is going to thank me.

The following pictures are courtesy of my instagram feed from this morning. Please feel free to soak up the inspiration. I feel like "Hard, not impossible" is going to be a mantra for me.