Test Results Update....

Test results update....

I haven't written much in my blog lately. Truth is, there isn't much to tell. I've been kind of in limbo mode just waiting on the test results from my new endocrinologist. Waiting to see if the reason I'm struggling to lose weight so much is because something in my body isn't working properly again. Not exactly the best position to be in...

I spent years and years struggling with my weight as a child, teen and young adult. Able to lose a little, but always being overweight no matter what I did. I can't express to you the sadness and suffering while eating salads like a rabbit and yet somehow still gaining weight. The rest of the world must have thought I was sneaking snickers bars like crazy. With the Cushing's Diagnosis I realized there was this invisible brick wall that I was fighting to get over and never going to succeed. A blessing to have discovered it, a curse to now second guess every tiny thing going on with my body. There will always be that part of my brain that questions everything a little bit more than normal.

So, on to today - my follow up visit with the endocrinologist... I'm calling it a blessing. My test results came back good on just about everything. There is no worries of a recurring pituitary tumor, no excess cortisol, no hormone imbalance (at least nothing major)... no cause for concern except... my insulin levels. They were high. well duh, I'm diabetic. I'm on insulin at night. And my sugars are controlled well. 

Here is why I feel like a rat on a spinny wheel thingy.... weight loss is hard, if not impossible with excess insulin in the body. Guess what it takes to bring my insulin levels down? .... mmhmm.... bingo, weight loss! aaaaggggghhhhh. And so... now what?

I don't know. I was trying not to cry at the doctor's office because I feel like I've hit yet another brick wall that I don't know how to climb. I was trying to digest all the test results and wasn't thinking properly enough to ask any more questions. honestly, I had kind of prepared myself for something to be wrong and I was going to have to take another pill but it was going to be ok, right?

On one hand, I'm so blessed and so beyond thankful that the cushing's disease isn't creeping back up. On the other, I have this whole other beast of an issue to figure out how to get around. I want to succeed in weight loss so badly.

I've been exhausted since I got home just trying to think of what my next step is going to be. What do I do with this good but difficult information? Where do I go from here? What can I do? Will I ever be thin? If being thin is really the only problem in my life, why am I complaining? I know people deal with so much more hardships. Whats a girl to do?