Gloomy

I have one of the most wonderful husbands in the world. I love him so much. He is the kind of guy who will look me in the eye and tell me I look beautiful when it's been a day past the last time I've showered, my hair is crazy, no makeup except for a little leftover mascara smudge under my eyes, I'm sweaty from a vigorous house cleaning morning and I'm in my comfy (not sexy!) jammies. I just stand there and look at him like he has lost his mind .... Lol but I know he believes it. Getting all dressed up and ready for a night out is when I feel at my best.

But today I feel like there isn't Any amount of beauty product in the world that could help me...... We had a weekend of sick husband and sick baby boy. I haven't had sleep in 3 nights and have done nothing but sit and cuddle my baby boy for 2 days. I love it, but it still doesn't make him better. I feel that at any moment tears could explode from my eyes. No no, we're not talking just a trickle or 2... I mean full on waterworks! :(

I Don't like my body right now. I took a break from hitting the healthy eating really hard when I gained 7-9 pounds from a medication change. I haven't gained anymore, but i haven't lost either. I still try to eat relatively good. I can't with a good heart ever completely throw myself into junk food land with reckless abandon. I can't take the personal shame and guilt afterwards. But I let myself get a little crazy sometimes....

I searched amazon for a new diet book. Something (not batty crazy) that says "do this. You will lose weight." something I can live with and not go mad on. Guess what? Same old stuff out there. :/ and with my sleep deprived weight obsession depression at the moment... I feel completely alone ...and so lost.

Sorry for holding out the eeyore gloom clouds today... I know a little sleep and a new morning might bring a better day.

I'm just in between a rock and a hard place right now... Not sure what to do next to achieve the goals I so desperately desire.